what its like to have a child after having one with cerebral palsy

I always wanted to have lots of children even when I was a little girl I would tell everyone when I rew up I was gonna have lots of children, and we were going to live in a big white house with a picket fence and rose bushes and an inground pool in the back yard.  Sometimes the description of he house I was gonna own would change but never the amount of children I was gonna have.  When I met my now fiance my senior year in highschool we both were from different school even different cities.  I came home and prudly exclaimed to my mom this was going to be the guy I was going to lose my virginity to, get married to and have children with.  Thankfully for us Audrianna waited 3 years after i graduated.  when I found out I was pregnant we were so excited.,  for 9 months I was the pregnant lady who ate healthy I lived off vegetables and fruits I didn't crave junk food, I read to my unborn baby every day, played classical music, made sure i took it easy and got plently of rest and took my prenatal vitamins every day.  when I was around 20 weeks pregnant we were told audrianna had a choroid plexus cyst on her brain.  What is a choroid plexus cyst?


The choroid plexus is the area of the brain that makes the spinal fluid that surrounds the brain and spinal


cord. There are two of these areas in the brain, one on either side. This is not an area of the brain that is


involved in thinking.


Once in a while a cyst forms inside the choroid plexus and is called a “choroid plexus cyst” or a “CP


cyst”. Cysts can be found on one side or on both sides and they come in many different sizes.


A choroid plexus cyst does NOT cause learning problems or mental retardation and are not cancer.


Although it can be scary to hear the two words “cyst” and “brain” in the same sentence, these cysts are


not known to cause any problems for a baby.


How common are these?


Choroid plexus cysts are seen in approximately 1% (1 in 100) of all second or third trimester ultrasounds.


They usually disappear during the third trimester but they don’t always. It doesn’t make any difference if


they disappear or not. These cysts can also be found in adult brains and go unnoticed during our lifetime. 
 
In those very moments of pure joy over seeing our baby on the ultrasound screen everything changed to fear of the unknown.  We were told I was low risk and the CPC would go away in a few weeks and that our baby girl would be fine.  But if we wanted to we could go ahead and terminate the pregnancy.  we chose to obviously continue on and hope for the best.  I spent everyday crying til our next ultrasound a month later when we were told the cyst was gone. 
Obviously Audrianna was not fine  if she was she wouldn't have another brain cyst or cerebral palsy.  anyways fast fourward two december on 2009 we find out that we are expecting baby number 2.  I found out on christmas eve of all days.  We had wanted another baby and when audrianna was born I said when she was 5 I would love to try for another child.  well we tried and tried for 4 years to get pregnant with no luck.  Audrianna turned 5 in April and Charlee was unexpectedly conceived in November talk about timing.  We were excited but at the same time I was scared of the unknown.  We didn't know what this pregnancy would bring, how audrianna would adjust, how the baby would be if she would be healthy ect.  and because of all this I spent alot of my pregnancy worrying and being scared and not bonding with my unborn baby.  even after the genetesists and the ultrasound techs and the obs  and everyone else said she was perfectly healthy.  I just couldn't believe them not ater being told the same thing with audrianna.  The trust just wasnt there.  for 9 months I constantly analyzed every ultrasound I made sure charlees hands werent always in fists like Audriannas had been, I looked over everything for any abnormalaties.  Then the day came and the midwife placed Charlee in my arms I expected some sort of joy or elation to sweep over my body it didnt instead I unswaddled her and counted all her toys, looked at the way her feet were positioned, counted her fingers, made sure she didnt keep her hands in fists I looked her over from head to toe.  It took me a good 15 minutes after she was born and her daddy was holding her while I finally got to eat for me to break down and cry out of happiness that she was finally here and she was in fact ok.  when we were told Charlee failed her newborn screening test I cried I was so worried all I could think about is how would we do it how would we take care of a 5 year old with all her health conditions and a child who is deaf.  a few weeks later we went in for another hearing test which she only partially passed at that point I had grown to accept that she might have something wrong but it no longer bothered me.  By her third appointment when she passed tho I cried i was just so relieved.  now 6 week later every little milestone charlee reaches I call my friends I have even asked te pediatrician if a few of the things charlee does are even normal.  Its awkward going from having a special needs child to having a child who is typical.