The journeys of a child with mild hemiplegic cerebral palsy plus the adventures of her sister

have you ever felt like you dont amount to much of anything. That you were put on this earth just to be miserable and hurt. I feel this way ever so often and yes i do see a therapist. I have a hard time opening up to my therapist and I havent seen her since this whole thing with Stephen and I. The girl is a homewrecker I hate to say it but she didnt have to watch movies in bed with him at all and she acts liek she cares so much when Audriannas sick or in the hospital why not send Stephen to be with his child then. Anyways back to what i was initially saying i often feel like I was put on this earth to be hurt and miserable yes people might say well Jenny you put yourself in that position. I lost a lot of people I loved starting off at an early age The ones i can most remember are when i lost my grandmother ( My moms mother) She chose to stop taking her seizure meds and had a seizure and died it was a very hard time for me and i still worry about Audrianna and her seizures when she had her hr long seizure recently and needed oxygen i went into a panic and cause I started thinking of my grandma granted Audrianna is on seizure meds but it scares me because we have already gone through 3 different seizure meds and shes still having seizures, Anyways not long after My parents wree killed in a car crash when I was 10 years old the irony of this is my parents mostly my dad was an alcoholic my mom did drink too. My dad was pretty much a jerk yelled at my brother, sister and I he would hit my sister and brother quite often sometimes me too. I burnt my foot when i was really little cause my dad was watching us and he fell asleep I dont know all the details but it involved a tea kettle on the stove and the stove was either on or off but the water was super hot I reached for it and spilt the water all over my foot i have a lovely scar on my foot from it. Ok now for the irony my parents were driving from work i believe my dad went to pick my mother up from work at the time i was at a friends house had been there for a while. i had gotten in a fight with my parents it was february vacation I was 10 and I said something stupid to my mom that I wish she were dead. They were driving home and a trucker who was over her drinking limit crossed over into my parents lane and I guess my parents didnt swerve quick enough because the truck hit them they all died instantly. I remember my friend and her mom bringing me home and I saw cop cars at the house and my aunts car was there. i remember being stopped by them before I went into the house and I remember being Told My parents were badly hurt. Its all bits and Pieces I remember crying so hard. My aunt and Uncle then adopted my brother sister and I, They also had kids of there own 3 girls and a boy along with us came our dog and my two cats which were outdoor cats and we had a hard time getting my favorite cat blackey to come back home. when my aunt and uncle finally did get the cat we brought him to the vets only to find out he had feline leukemia and kitty aids, so he had to be put to sleep. I did not adjust well to school I had to leave my best friends my new school people tended to becoem friends with me because they felt bad for what happened I also got teased alot growing up. Then when I got old enough to have boyfriends well technically I wasnt allowed to have boyfriends but I did anyways I was dumped alot and told they never cared about me in the first place. In middle school i dated my friend Katies brother Nate He was such a sweetheart And I truly cared for him alot but he was so caring that I pushed myself away i kinda regret that now. he will always have a place in my heart. this is also the same one that I kissed a few years back when I was with stephen. Then in highschool the first 3 years I dated a kid named Tim on and off that was a really long relationship for me but there were some problems in that relationship I suspected him of cheating his friends also didnt like me, then when it came that time I refused to sleep with him and it pretty much ended there but he didnt let me forget him I was teased and followed home by him and his friends. crazy thing is i still think of him. After tim I built this wall and was determined to never let this wall completly down. Then the summer before my Senior year the girl I babysat for and my good friend shes like a sister to me introduced me to her then boyfriends older brother we talked on the phone quiet often and I immediatly started to fall for him. Then September 15th a few days after I turned 18 we were walking a bike path at a nearby park and we came to a clearing where there was a log and a lake and Chelsea was with us. i was standing on the log walking back and fourth and all of a sudden Stephen grabbed my hands and asked me if I would do him the honor of being his girlfriend and my response was yeah sure whatever. we kissed a few times that day I was so happy. I still wasnt even supposed to have a boyfriend so there was alot of sneaking around to see him. Then one day we were talking in his car aroudn the block from my parents house and my adoptive parents saw us and I freaked out adn told him to drive I ran away from home that day and stayed with Stephen at his moms my parents packed all my stuff up and eventually we went and picked it all up. I did go home towards the end of my senior year my parents did start to accept and like Stephen things had moved rather quickly between him and i I did lose my virginity to him and him to me. It was a very special time. I did let that wall a built down and we had been together for almost 7 years yea we fought alot about stupid things but who doesnt. He was my everything and I loved him greatly. But whats going on with him lately has just hurt me I feel like I just am not meant for serious relationships I just wind up being hurt.